Friday, 6 August 2010

Shady Gets Frostied

For many years, folks have come from all over the country, in fact, from all over the world to live in Govan. Today's guest blogger, benk, joins our happy riverside community from Scotland's north-east. Thanks for yer mad story.

having made the late night trip from casa de fun fun tae govan aboot a dozen times now, the only incident worth noting has been a run in wi the secret police in their wee red bucket spy car asking if i wur mental fur moving tae the g-side. normally it's quiet and a bit deid, possibly due to the big dirty camera which patrols ma sector. on a normal i would come oot the car, lock ma doors, utter a silent prayer of protection ower it and shuffle off tae the close.
the other night however as i was parking, i noticed a shady hanging aboot the close, drinking his four litre bottle of frosty jacks. i wondered whut he was dain and had a wee think to masel, 'here. we. go'.

i collected ma stuffs, got oot, locked ma doors, said ma silent prayer, and shuffled off toward the close. as i got nearer i could hear voices, but couldnae tell how many there wuz, or whut they wur doing. it was raining a wee bit, so i thought 'they might just be having a shelter'. as i got closer shady stepped oot, hudding his frostys. 'ya aw rite?' i said, shady said 'yeh'. 'just having a shelter?' i enquired and shady replied 'aye'.
while conversing with shady i noticed that there wuz only one other voice and it belonged tae a lassie, and i assumed she was shady's. i opened the door. 'see you later m8' i said, and shady said something, but i wisnae listening anymare tae shady. i had ma beads on his wee lass who wuz saying see ya later tae shady and telling him she was going tae wait at her door while coming in the close wi me. this wuz a turn o events i wisnae expecting.

the door closed and i started to shuffle doon the hall when shady's girl nearly fell on iz. 'hen, im engaged' i almost blurted oot, but she beat me to it with 'thank goodness'(almost), as it dawned on iz she wuznae shady's at all, but ma neighbour. 'ive been terrified' she continued, 'he came up to iz and said i was part of the govan young team now'. 'hahaha', i laughed. looking back it wuz prolly the wrong reaction considering the torment she'd just been through, but in ma defence, it wuz funny.
'you forget yer keys'? i continued, asking the obvious, you know, just in case she'd been oot there enjoying shady's company and sharing his frostys. 'yeh, they're at ma work, ma boyfriend is bringing them to me.' 'oh, thats good,' says i, relieved that she would get in her hoose, and espesh that she had a boyf, i wuz safe.
'how long have you been out there?' i continued. 'half an hour, ive been rully scared' she said(kind of), 'i thought to masel, if i just stand in the close, noone will see iz and someone will come and let iz in, and i'll be fine, but i was oot for ages'.
then i felt a bit bad.

i got to ma door and said ma goodbyes to the not shady's girl and went into ma living room tae spy on shady. him and his frostys had moved tae the close directly across and he was tapping on the bottom floor windae, but getting nae response. he went into the close and was aboot tae relieve himself in the corner, when a young black chap interrupted him. he enticed him intae a conversation, and cadged a smoke aff him. whenever wur ethnic buddy moved on, shady relieved himsel. i considered calling up ma friends in the wee red panda spy car, but decided i couldnae be bothered wi the hassle.
i went aff to get a washing, then had a check on shady. he wuz across the road, ootside the solicitors (the irony), having a sing and swiggin his frostys. on the groond he noticed an empty glasser and picked it up. he put it on tap o the bin and tried to roundhouse kick it aff. frostys had worsed fur weared him so he missed, and i wondered if he'd clocked that karate kid film at the cinemas earlier in his night. he tried again and this time he caught it, but a bit rubbishly and it toppled off. he took up his chanting again, and had some swigs.
i shuffled off to ma bed wondering if shady had any pals and what would become of his night.

1 comment:

LMS said...

lovin the writin of the new guest blogger can't wait to read some more. wish he'd called the panda polis, would have been more for him to write about. brilliant!