Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Green Fingers Fingered

Nobody's got electricity up ma pal's close. It's on account of the Police raiding the flat of a local market gardener and switching off his lights at the main box for the building. In so doing, everyone else up the stairs has been left without leccy as well.

The botanist has been working away at a little nursery in his home, cultivating leafy Cannabis Sativa, watering and nurturing it till it reaches maturity and is ripe for harvest. Apparently every square inch of floor space is covered by the illegal crop, windows are blacked out, heat lamps are glowing all day and all of the night.

You see quite a few windows with shiny, reflective paper pasted over them in Govan's tenements. They say it's what the growers do to keep the heat in the house for the plants' welfare.
With fuel costs sky-rocketing, maybe we should all try it - the shiny paper I mean.
Ma pal says the plants are insatiably thirsty and need about 70 gallons of water a day - or was that a week? Anyway, if you decide to keep them, you can't be neglectful or they'll wilt.
Apparently when you see helicopters flying low over Govan, that's what they're looking for - signs of heat radiating from flats that have furnaces blasting and roasting hot lamps burning twenty-four seven.

A leaflet posted through your door may tell you to watch out for tell-tale signs: windows blacked out with shiny mirrorlike paper, only sporadic visitors to the house, deathly silence (like no telly). They don't mention the constant sound of running water, but surely this must also be a sign.
If you do notice anything like this, then you should notify the housing association. They in turn will notify the Police, who will come round and break the door down and smash the electrical box in the close and you'll end up with no electricity like ma pal did.


Ellen said...

Had a good laugh at this, thanks!

Madeline said...

This is brilliant!